FLAT AS A TACK

Writing up diaries on our travels has always got somewhat confusing at times. This usually occurs if I do not have time to complete a summary of the day’s events on the day itself because time collapses and confuses under the assault of so much new data. For example, the day we boarded Rab had to think quite hard in answering the question “When did you arrive in UK?” The correct answer, of course, was “Yesterday morning.”, but it did indeed seem a good deal longer than that since we had touched down.

Yesterday was our first full day at sea and whilst I know I am tempting fate somewhat – because we have to come back this way and we have to traverse the notorious Bay of Biscay twice later in the cruise – but I never knew the North Sea could be so flat. The only movement of the ship that is discernible is the forward motion – and that only when glancing through a window or out on deck. The surface of the sea is like badly ironed linen – just a little creased, but with not a wave in sight. We’ve been on bumpier lakes and rivers in our time! The unseasonably warm weather has continued with temperatures in the low 20s Centigrade and there are acres of crepe skins exposed to the sun on the back deck, slowly turning pink like so many lobsters in boiling water. The ‘boutique’ shop aboard seemed to have significantly more warm weather gear in the “Special Sale – 20% off” yesterday as people who only brought their cold weather clothing started stripping down.

Somewhat ominously, there is no talk about longer term forecasts – just the statement that it looks as if we’ll have a grand day in Copenhagen and Warnemunde should be good too. What about Tallin and St Petersburg, where ten days ago the temperature was -2C? I suspect the high that is helping give us these sunny days might be on the verge of collapse. But we’ll see.

The Daily Programme delivered to our cabin each night shows the events of the following day and there was certainly plenty to choose from yesterday. We weren’t too interested in the Craft and Creation – making a doily decorated with cup cakes – but on the other hand the talk about The Business of Spying sounded promising and it was, especially so as the retired spy had spent a good deal of his time in Zambia, Zimbabwe and South Africa. Did South Africa have an atomic bomb? Did they explode one on Marian Island? He was a little coy on detail but confirmed both items. And Rab is always keen on Bingo – at least at sea! We went along to that in the afternoon having to, regrettably, miss another lecture about Britain’s secret weapons, including, apparently, a plan to defeat Hitler with oestrogen to feminise him somewhat. Clearly the emotional side of estrogen therapies had escaped the purview of the planners – unless…..maybe they did get to him. Could that account for his emotional outbursts? Ask men on hormone therapy …. Hmmmm. We were unlucky at Bingo, missing the £55 major prize by one number.

The major focus of the day however was the preparation for the Captain’s Cocktail Party that evening. Well, not for us, as we avoid these events if we can. It was always difficult to do so on the old RMS St Helena because with only 60 or 70 passengers aboard, absences might be noted. On a ship like the Marco Polo, which is pretty well up to capacity with a little over 700 passengers (served by 380 crew) no one would notice our absence, or so we thought until we received that mysterious invitation to dine with the Captain at his table. Still haven’t been able to ascertain why we were chosen. But there was a deal of primping and preparing with the nail and hair salons fully booked. As ever we went by to watch the passing show – and there were some stupendous sights. We are constantly told back in Australia that we are becoming the second most overweight society in the world, behind the USA (what about Tonga I ask??) but we wonder when we see the vast mountains of British flesh rolling around the ship. I say rolling because so many are our age or older and have hip and knee problems leading to the display of a gait which is distinctly, and perhaps appropriately nautical. The site of one of the larger ladies, dressed to the nines coming down a passage like some glittering Stone of Doom from an Indiana Jones movie was quite unnerving. Galleons in full sail also come to mind!.

We spent a fair bit of time just chatting with other people – always interesting to hear a bit about what other people get up to. It is amazing how well travelled most of them are and it shows just why the cruise business has expanded so much. Of course many of the cruises start in Britain, so living there gives a distinct advantage but the range of choices is quite amazing and many of the people we spoke to had been to Australasia, the Far East and the Americas. One of the tour guides, who is a South African girl, told us that the Amazon Cruise was always fully booked. I guess that the popularity of cruising, apart from the most obvious advantage of moving around to new and interesting places without the necessity of packing and unpacking clothes, is that you are surrounded by the comfort of being with people like you, who speak the same language, eat the same food, enjoy the same sense of humour. Going ashore in groups enhances this shared experience whilst minimising the effect of ‘foreign’ influences.

An added advantage of ‘being on the spot’ is that you can take advantage of the special fares that are inevitably offered in the last ten days or two weeks before a cruise begins. We can never take full advantage of these because usually our air fares are more costly than the cruise fares, so we have to look for cheap air fares and or cash in some frequent flyer points, all of which requires early booking. There are ‘C’mon on’ cheap cruise fares early on too, so we tend to try and pick those up. There is some small financial risk as deposits payable are not refundable in the event of cancellation – and you can’t insure for all events that might lead to cancellation – like the global collapse of savings accounts!! One of the blokes we spoke to made us laugh with his story of the folk at his dinner table all boasting about how cheaply they had got their trip. No sums were mentioned directly but one woman in particular was implying that no one could beat her and her acumen. So he threw in a casual “Did you pay less than £199, then?” to the evident deflation of the braggart.

Our little dining group is getting on pretty well and the food is good. We had smoked salmon followed by a very tasty breast of duck before going up to the Lounge for the evening show. We left that a little early because the singing and dancing were noise and confusion with, again most songs in languages other than our own.

All in all an excellent time so far with very few quibbles. The only ones of note being the very expensive WiFi connection and that fact that the dinner tables are a bit tightly packed, reducing elbow room and the ability to take a good swing at the tucker. WiFi is 90 cents a minute, reducing to 45 cents a minute if you buy in bulk – 250 minutes. That might not be too bad, but it is also very slow and loading and downloading is painful to watch. Still and all, it was good to be in touch electronically yesterday, although something has to be done about the e-mail settings since the few short mails I sent bounced with a very curious message.